Legalizing Christmas
by lindencovenant
Summary: Day On Universe. The crew at Gull Cottage finds surprising humor during Christmas, 1971.


_**Author's note: This takes place a year after Christmas Blues. Dash, Sean, Adam, and Tris have been invented by Mary and Amanda, the rest belong to R.A. Dick and to Fox Studios. The Legalese version of T'was the Night Before Christmas was invented by that great author Anonymous and is in public domain to the best of my knowledge; the other two carols are dreamed up by me, I think for the first time. No infringement or violation of anyone's rights is intended. This is posted after Christmas to honor the fact that Christmas gifts can come at any time of year. **_

**1971**

It was a week before Christmas and the first day of vacation, though Candy Muir didn't really think a Saturday counted a vacation day, since they would have it off anyhow. That didn't stop her from being glad of it, but one did need to maintain proper categories.

Gull Cottage was a hive of activity. The tree had been up since early December, but there was plenty to do still, and not all of it had to do with Christmas. Life didn't pause for the holidays, after all. It just sped up and got more cluttered. However, it was looking to be a much cheerier year than the prior one had been. Carolyn Muir's in-laws had not come for Thanksgiving, which was in itself something to be thankful for, and now that she and Daniel Gregg had sorted out her case of the blues last year, there was no pall over the season. It did not hurt that the resident ghost's three best friends tended to pop in and out frequently. Tristan Matthews, in particular, could be relied upon to come up with a jest or something to make everyone in hearing range smile. And after hearing all about the fabled Christmas dream of two years before in which Daniel had given Martha Grant a kiss on the cheek as he snitched a muffin, Lord Dashire had taken to doing likewise, and belying his fit form, he was as fond of sweets as Martha was of handsome ghosts kissing her on the cheek.

The afternoon of the eighteenth, there came a knock on the door, Jonathan opened it, and saw their family lawyer/friend, Adam Pierce standing, shivering, on the other side of it.

Carolyn looked up from where she was writing a few last minute Christmas cards as Jonathan announced their visitor. "Adam! What brings you out? You're always welcome, but I figured you'd be busy with Christmas stuff, or even on the road."

The young man shrugged as he doffed his coat. Before Martha could hurry over to take it to hang up, it vanished. "Thanks, Captain," both of them chorused.

"I don't have any plans, travel or otherwise, so I decided to wait on bringing the contracts for the paperback release of the novelization you did on Tristan's biography out until today," he explained. "Coming to Gull Cottage is a treat, after all."

Daniel Gregg appeared then, but the lawyer was used to ghosts, so he did not even startle. "No plans? You aren't going to go to see your sisters or parents?"

"My parents are in Austria, still traveling," Adam replied. "My sisters are in other states and my brother isn't speaking to any of us. Besides, all of them tend to want to match-make and try to set me up on blind dates if I get within ten feet. I'm not fond of hassles. My own company is more pleasant than being pestered, albeit in a well meaning fashion. If you see Dash, tell him that although I'm not the cook Mother is, or that her caterer is either, he's welcome to stop by for a turkey or ham sandwich. By the way, I've wondered, but never thought to ask, why did Tristan's book become fiction, not a factual biography?"

"He can do that _after_ Christmas," Carolyn stated firmly. "He, Sean, and Tris are spending it with us, and we want you to as well. I would have invited you already if I had not thought you'd be gone. In fact, why don't you come spend Christmas Eve with us? We have made room for people we enjoy less before this. For you, there is always room. And in answer to your question, Tristan's rank was fairly low and his life short, so he didn't have a fame angle, like Daniel did, to sell his story. Besides, he interacts with the community more than the Captain, and his name is too distinct not to be commented on. Keeping up with more than one set of aliases would be difficult. We decided to change his character name and write it as a young adult novel."

"Logical," Adam nodded.

"So, will you come for Christmas?" she repeated, steering the subject back on course.

He thought about it, but knew that determined look on Mrs. Muir's face by now. He picked his battles and this was one he could not win, therefore, nodded. "Why not?" Then, he added, "Ah, what should I bring? Like I said, I'm not much of a cook, but I can pick up something useful."

"Martha?" Carolyn asked, turning to the housekeeper.

The older woman shook her head. "Not a thing." Then, seeing his expression, amended her words. "If you want to bring a bottle of wine or something like that, feel free. Do you have any particular favorite thing?"

Adam blinked. No one had ever consulted him on a preference before. Finally, he said, "I do rather like Forgotten cookies."

"Are those the ones that Dash misses getting hold of?" the Captain smirked.

"Well, that is a reasonable assumption," Adam nodded.

"No, Captain," Martha corrected. "You make them by beating an egg white stiff and add in a third of a cup of sugar while you heat the oven up to five hundred degrees. Then, you stir in something — coconut or mini chocolate chips, there's variations, and drop the cookies by teaspoons onto a cookie sheet. Turn off the oven, put the sheet in, and leave it overnight. In the morning, you have cookies. Easy to do, if you can get the egg whites right. Tough to manage in this damp area, though, but I'll give it a go."

"If you can't, don't worry," Adam shrugged.

"I can certainly try," Martha huffed. "I like a good challenge, now and then."

"Which explains why you persist in your pursuit of Ed Peavey," a cultured, English voice remarked as Lord Dashire appeared. "While I'm sure he understands how charming you are, my dear, getting him to see the advantages of wedlock is quite an endeavor."

"Oh, go on," she blushed, then waved her hand. "I mean it... go on."

"I don't know if he will go on, but I need to," Adam said. "Literally. I'm behind on Christmas shopping, so I should brave the stores." Closing his eyes, he shuddered. "So, Mrs. Muir, you may review these papers at your leisure, long as I get them before the New Year."

"It's Carolyn," she reminded him, taking the documents.

"Right. I will see you all subsequently."

**Christmas Eve**

"Calm down, Candy, you'll be fine," her mother soothed as she buttoned the back of the girl's dress. "Mr. Farrell would not have asked you to play the guitar in the Christmas Eve service if you weren't good. Tris taught you well. And, you won't be alone; the choir is there, and Martha will be at the organ."

"But, Mom, it's not like I'll be blended in, like in an orchestra or a band!" she protested. "When that Farnon guy does his solo of _Mighty Like the Rose_, it'll just be ME playing to back him up."

Carolyn raised a brow, wondering if her daughter had a crush on the fifteen-year-old boy. Reading her mother's mind, Candy laughed. "He's okay, but he's just a guy."

"Okay, just warn us when you fall in love again." Carolyn wasn't sure she was ready for another round of puppy love. She was quite sure that Captain Gregg was _not _prepared for it.

"Not for a long time." Then, considering all the utterly dreamy guys who were a part of her life, Candy added, "Maybe."

"I'll take a definite maybe," Carolyn grinned.

They finished getting ready and went downstairs where Martha, Jonathan, the Captain, Dash, Tristan, and Sean waited. Just as they reached the bottom floor, there was a knock and Martha let Adam and his gym bag enter.

"Looks like I arrived just in time to leave again," he observed.

"So, you can ride to the church in a car with leg room, for a change," Dash said.

"It's a jeep, not a car," Adam corrected.

"I don't think we can ALL get in Mom's car," Jonathan frowned.

"Don't worry, lad," Sean grinned. "Half of us don't need to."

"I COULD drive you all," Tristan piped up.

"Not if you're intangible you can't," the Captain said sternly.

"Tell him I'm a very good driver," the youngest ghost protested, looking at Adam.

"Very good MIGHT be an overstatement, but I've seen worse," the lawyer semi-obliged. "He did have an excellent teacher, after all."

"He said modestly," Tris snorted.

"Let's go," Martha intervened. "Candy and I need to be there a little earlier."

"Would one of you stash this bottle of wine before we head out?" Adam asked, indicating the paper sack he had in one hand. A second later, it had vanished.

"I'm going to remember that next time I need to put up groceries," Martha commented as she pulled on her coat.

The Captain simply shook his head. "By the way, Adam, when the crew shows up in church, my name currently is Patrick Sinclair, chosen by picking two saints' names off an old calendar."

"You're Catholic? I thought we were going to a Protestant church, Presbyterian to be exact," Adam frowned.

"I've visited almost every sort of Christian church," Daniel explained. "But, Carolyn was the one with the calendar."

"I liked the artwork," she shrugged. "The pictures of stained glass icons were pretty."

"We need to hurry," Candy fretted. "Or, maybe not."

"Don't be nervous," Tristan encouraged. "You had a good teacher, too."

"And, I do want a decent parking place, so let's go," Carolyn firmly concluded the matter.

XXX

All of Candy's edginess proved to be for nothing. Her contribution to the evening's music went off without a hitch, though when the ghosts and Adam complimented her, she wanted to sink through the floor to hide her blush. She just knew that Jonathan had noticed how red her face got and would rib her no end. Blast it. All of the ghosts had appeared in solid form, but thanks to the sanctuary's darkened state, no one outside the family could really see them. However, in the weeks to come, there was plenty of speculation about whose angelic tenor had been heard during the carol singing, and later, Martha warned Sean he'd best be careful, or someone would put him in the choir, whether he wanted to be or not.

It was nearly midnight as they returned to Gull Cottage. Carolyn declared that she could see pumpkin vines growing in Jonathan and Candy's hair and shooed them upstairs to be tucked in. While she and Daniel took care of that, Adam asked softly, "Uh, what's Santa's status around here?"

"He's gone into retirement," Martha replied. "So, you don't have to worry about being impressed into late night toy building duty."

"Not until I find you a charming young lady to marry and you have ten children," Dash added with a grin.

"Ten, old son?" Sean blinked. "Did no one tell you that there are a few billion people in the world? We don't need to worry about repopulating it. Besides, you didn't have that many. Asking Adam to contribute more than you did isn't exactly fair."

"I wasn't home that often during the family forming years. If I had been..."

"Cover your ears, Tristan. They're starting to get into choppy waters," Adam quipped.

"I am _not_ a kid," he said, sounding for all the world like a sulky one.

"Good thing St. Nick retired," the lawyer smirked. "Seems to me, I recall some clause about the party of the second part being advised that pouting could have an adverse affect on the asset distribution the party of the first part tendered to them."

"Beg pardon?" Martha asked.

"Didn't the line go, you better not pout because Santa Claus is coming to town?" Adam asked innocently.

"Smart aleck."

"What have I done now, Martha?" the Captain asked as he and Carolyn walked down the stairs.

"Not you, Adam. Mangling Christmas carols with lawyer talk." But, the older woman was grinning, belying her stern tone.

"We'll forgive him, if the wine's good," Carolyn suggested. "Nightcap, anyone?"

"Aye, then we'll get out of your hair until morning," Sean replied for the three crewmen.

"But, we will be here bright and early," Dash countered.

"Yes, you are good at that," Adam drawled, giving his old friend a sideways look.

"It was just once," the Englishman sniffed as he vanished. But, his voice could be heard echoing, "Once!"

XXX

Christmas morning was a flurry of activity that began earlier than Adam would have liked to wake, but he handled it without complaining. The ghosts were all delighted with their various gifts, especially Tris, who was receiving his first presents since dying. The experience was still new enough to the others that their appreciation was fairly equal to his.

The morning flew by. After a late, light brunch, there was little to do before dinner when Claymore might drop by to share the meal, so the kids got out the television schedule.

"There's not much on," Jonathan frowned. "I guess 'cause of Christmas."

"And today is different how?" the Captain rumbled.

"My soaps are not on," Martha frowned.

"It's Saturday, so would they be on?" Sean asked.

"No, but it's still annoying."

"There's a movie on," Candy suggested as she ran a finger down the columns. "It's a little old, but — no, let's find something else."

"What is it, sweetie?" Carolyn asked, rising to look over her children's shoulders. "_Teacher's Pet? _That is a cute movie. I think even you spectral guys will like it."

"Yeah, I know Martha likes Clark Gable," Candy nodded. "But, it's a comedy."

"Yes, it is," Carolyn nodded.

"So, maybe we should watch..." the girl frowned and looked at the listings again, "_Leave Her to Heaven?"_ By her tone, it was clear that she had no idea what the movie might be about, it just looked like it wouldn't be funny.

"I never cared for that one," Carolyn wrinkled her nose. "Though most of Gene Tierney's movies were good, I just couldn't get into it."

"Me either," Martha agreed. "Why on Earth did you pick that one?"

"It looks serious," Candy said matter-of-factly, as if it should be perfectly apparent to the adults. "The listing said it was a drama."

"But, why do you want to see it?" Jonathan blurted out.

"I'd like to know, too," the Captain stated. "My dear girl, I hope by now you know I'm not a terribly grave fellow, no pun intended."

"Oh, I know _that_, Captain Dad," she assured him. "But, we're supposed to be nicer to guests, and Adam's a serious guy, so I was trying to pick what he'd like."

"May I speak?" the lawyer asked. "First, thank you for your consideration, but I'd rather laugh, all things being equal. Secondly, I'm not _that_ serious, which is in fact, a restatement of the second half of point number one. Third, _Teacher's Pet_ is one of my favorite movies. Fourth, I hope that in time, you won't see me as company, but just someone who shows up fairly often, if that's not an imposition, that is. I do like you all, and it's nice to have someone to talk to about our extraordinary friends." He glanced at the ghosts. "And fifth, I really must work to correct the faulty impression I have given."

"He is a smart aleck, Candy," Martha chimed in. "You should have heard what he did to _Santa Claus Is Coming to Town _last night."

"Oh, but I hate repeating myself," Adam protested. "But, for the cause, I can come up with something else. Now, this is not original to me, I heard it at a law school fraternity Christmas party several years ago, and have been looking for a reason to use it."

"Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as ("I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co- conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)  
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect."

By the time he was done, everyone was laughing uproariously.

"Okay, let me try," Tristan said between giggles. "I cannot have my reputation usurped by an upstart. Ah... got it."

"On the thirteenth day of the holiday known as Christmas, my postman brought to me a noise ordinance citation related to the twelve drummers drumming; a podiatrist's bill for the eleven ladies dancing, a chiropractor's bill for the ten lords a leaping, a second noise ordinance violation in re the nine pipers piping, a livestock in an urban area citation in re the cows the eight maids were milking, and an animal control officer to gather the seven swans swimming, the six geese a-laying, the four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and to get the partridge out of the pear tree. So, I hocked the five golden rings to pay my legal fees."

"Not bad, for a beginner," Adam allowed, carefully hiding his twitching lips. "Of course, anything you can do, I can do better, within reason."

"The party of the first part, hereafter known as Rudolph and distinguished by the fact that he is A. a reindeer and B. has a red nose that could be called shiny and witnesses report glows, suffered from exclusion by his peer group, namely other reindeer, who laughed at the party of the first part and called him names while refusing to allow him to participate in their recreational activities. However, when inclement weather conditions prevailed, such that they could be termed foggy on the night of December twenty-fourth, the party of the first part was approached by the individual known as Santa Claus who tendered an offer for him to guide his sleigh that night via the beneficent influence of the aforementioned bright nose. Subsequent to this, his peer group felt affection for him and shouted out in what might be called glee that the party of the first part would be remembered in the annals of history."

"You had that up your sleeve," Tristan accused. "And, you can't do this." So saying, he drifted up to the ceiling.

"True, on both counts," Adam allowed with a nod. "But, I think I have proved my case."

"That you have, lad," the Captain nodded. He considered trying his hand at carol mangling, but decided to let the younger set handle that.

"Right, so can we turn on the movie?" Carolyn asked.

Her answer, from all other voices in the room, was "Yes."

Martha took over the rocker while Sean, Dash, the kids, Adam, and Tris sprawled on the floor, and Carolyn and Daniel shared the sofa. As the movie began, the Captain whispered, "You know, my dear, since you have all come into Gull Cottage, each Christmas has been a joy that I did not think could be improved upon. This year is no exception."

Leaning her head on his shoulder, Carolyn nodded. "On this we can agree. Merry Christmas, Daniel."

"And to you, dear lady."


End file.
